Before I start this blog, I need to tell you I am not an expert or a medical professional. I have seen professionals and had an MRI scan to make sure it’s nothing to be concerned about and I have taken their advice. This is just my experience.
I lost my silence.
A meditation teacher who can never experience silence again has been and is a challenge.
I don’t talk about it often because I did the work and came to accept it.
3 years ago my ears became blocked.
Nearly completely deaf in both ears.
Anyway, when they cleared, I was left with tinnitus in my left ear.
It wasn’t that loud, but it was challenging for an avid meditator who was used to silence to now try and embrace a constant ringing sound.
Eventually, I learned to live with it.
Some days I didn’t even notice it.
A couple of weeks ago I had a root canal.
A few hours after I walked out of the dentist, I noticed the ringing sound had gotten pretty loud.
Actually VERY loud.
And since then, it’s been pretty much all-consuming.
The dentist assures me that it will clear up with antibiotics, I am hopeful and sceptical.
So, me being me I decided to research methods to cure or cope with tinnitus.
Maybe 3 years on there’s been a breakthrough.
Getting lost down a rabbit hole is an understatement.
Youtube is full of CURES for this condition. Do they work for me – NOPE!
Articles are full of advice to avoid silence at all costs.
BUT listening to white noise and music all day gives me a headache.
I like to spend time in the quiet.
For now, my quiet is gone.
Thoughts of “I can’t live the rest of my life like this” started to take over.
Then a little voice from nowhere said “common Lynz, you know what to do”
My mindfulness brain kicked in…..
It all made sense.
The years I spent trying to push my emotions down, drown out my thoughts.
All the wine and binge eating I did to numb out.
I changed that with mindfulness and yoga.
So the questions turned from what is wrong with me to how can I accept myself with this physical condition?
“What you focus on expands. So focus on what you want, not what you do not want.”
― Esther Jno-Charles
I know life isn’t perfect.
More than anything I want peace with whatever life throws at me.
What if I don’t cover the noise?
What if I listen to it?
What if I use it as a tool to be more gentle with myself?
What if I stop focussing on what is wrong with me and just embrace the ringing as a beautiful part of me?
Maybe even use it as a tool for meditation?
So, since Monday that’s what I am trying to do.
Accept that it’s there.
Try not to block it out.
Be kind and compassionate towards me no matter what.
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.The serenity prayer
Is it helping – YES!
I knew that mindfulness is such a big help for pain management. There’s so much research out there.
I forgive myself for forgetting.
The huge amount of anxiety I’ve been experiencing is reducing.
I am sleeping better.
I listen to my internal noises (my special noise) during meditation.
I breathe with it during yoga.
I still get moments of frustration but I know that if it doesn’t go that I will be able to accept Buzzing Billy in my brain as a mate.
A reminder to take one day at a time with this.
A reminder that there may be no cure now but maybe in the future.
A reminder that I’m ok.
A reminder that if someone is talking shit and upsetting me I can tune into Billy and they become Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Bonus right! (?)
Do you have a condition?
How are you dealing with it?
If it’s something that can’t be cured are you taking steps to manage life in a healthy way?
I have clients with so many health concerns and it blows me away how positive they are. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have dark moments but they have the strength to deal with them on a day to day basis.
If you do have something going on please see an expert. Take what you need from them and introduce the tools you have learned from yoga, meditation and mindfulness to help you cope with what you are going through.
If you need support in reducing stress then I might be able to help with that. I offer yoga, meditation, mindfulness and holistic therapies. Just shoot me a message and we can have a natter.
Namaste, Lynz xoxo
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